Burn Through Hell
by Lizicia
Summary: 'Red wanted her to look at the video of him and Ressler in the cube and see – what exactly? She had no idea. But it gnawed at her until she gave in.' Keen/Ressler, post-Anslo Garrick.


**A/N:** I have so many feelings about the Anslo Garrick episodes that it's impossible. This story is only a sliver of all the thoughts I had and a rather tame one at that but it demanded to be written.

A special thanks to Lawson227 whose appreciation for Ressler is as great as mine.

**Disclaimer:** Jon Bokenkamp, you genius man.

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A month had passed since Anslo Garrick had invaded the FBI black site and turned all of their lives upside down. A month since Red had given them all the slip and dropped off the face of the Earth, after that one short and still quite confusing phone call. A month of relentless pursuit, of unbearably long nights and leads which didn't take them anywhere. A month without a partner, the thought of whom still pained Elizabeth Keen since she couldn't get the image of Ressler lying immobile in his own blood out of her head.

And now, of all times, she was twirling a postcard in her hands which had been in her mailbox this morning, despite lacking a stamp or any sign of where it had come from. The who of it wasn't hard to guess but the message it bore puzzled and intrigued her.

_Do watch the video feed from the cube, Lizzie. It's definitely worth the view._

It could mean only one thing – Red wanted her to look at the video of him and Ressler in the cube and see – what exactly? She had no idea. She'd read the debriefs and believed Ressler to have been thorough in recounting what had gone down but she also felt there were things he was hiding.

The message taunted at her, beckoning to do as Red told. A part of her was defiant in face of such an insolence; how could he think she would do anything he wanted, after what he'd done? But another part of her was intrigued and wanted to find out what exactly this could mean. What would she see? What could possibly be so important that Red would want her to relive that horrible day?

Before she could change her mind, she pulled the recording up on her computer and the video came to life. Because of Garrick's men, it had started recording only when Aram had managed to restore power, so Ressler was already lying on the table, grunting in pain, and Anslo Garrick was ordering his men to gather all explosives they could get their hands on.

It was almost caring, the way Red tended to Ressler and it made her even more curious. Something had transpired between the two men in that cube, something significant, yet invisible to the eye and Liz saw a side of Red she didn't think existed, at least not directed at Ressler.

The field transfusion was a clever idea, she had to give him that and she carefully filed away the knowledge that they were both B-, in case another life or death situation presented itself.

"Why the hell are you doing this? It's pretty obvious I hate your guts and I can't imagine you hold a whole lot of warmth for me. Especially after hearing about Brussels."

The new information gave her pause. What did Brussels mean? It was clear the topic had been addressed before, probably when the recording system hadn't rebooted yet and it made her curious. She knew Ressler had been after Red for a long time and had seen his file but no mention of Brussels anywhere. Did Brussels mean a place he had almost caught Red? A place something more sinister had gone down? She wondered whether this was what Red had wanted for her to find.

"I knew about Brussels."

"Then why save me?"

"Because that's what you do when someone is dying in front of you."

Red continued with a story about allegiances changing and she listened, all the while watching the scene unfold further with Anslo's threats continuing. He reminded them both just what a hazard the transfusion was and even though Liz knew that Ressler was currently in a hospital bed and would probably walk again, she felt anxious at having to see what she had already lived through once. Having to see Ressler just lie there, without any knowledge of how to get out the situation they were in, she was reminded of the feeling of hopelessness she'd got when Aram had showed her the feed.

"May I ask you something with the hope that you won't take offense?"

Red's voice was, for lack of a better word, gentle, as he tried to keep Ressler talking and Liz's interest piqued.

"I already know it's going to offend me. Ask anyway."

"What happened to Audrey Bidwell?"

She cursed the camera's corner position; it gave an overall view of the whole cube but made it impossible for her to see Ressler's face, so she had to rely only on his voice to garner his emotional reaction.

"She left me." His voice was carefully measured, the answer laconic.

"You were engaged."

"To her, yeah." He paused for a moment and she heard something beneath the casual tone Ressler tried to maintain so hard. "It was my engagement with you that ended that relationship. Five years I chased you, five years trying to make my name. Look where it has gotten me."

The hurt and sorrow in his voice wasn't hidden anymore and it also confirmed what she had suspected back when Ressler had pretended to be the Courrier. The story he'd told Dechambou had been true, not something he'd thought of on the fly. He'd lost someone and now she had a name to that. Audrey Bidwell.

They continued talking and she listened to Red explain why he didn't want to die, what he still had to have in life. She saw Anslo Garrick try and make Cooper give up the code to the door which he wouldn't. She saw Ressler pass out when the pain of Red cauterizing his wound became too much to bear, the sight gruesome even on the black and white video feed. And finally, she saw Anslo threaten and then kill Luli, saw the way that broke through Red's air of cool and when she herself entered the picture, turned the video off, knowing there was nothing she didn't already know to see there.

Her newly-found knowledge gnawed at her, reeling through her mind until she shut her computer and without making a conscious decision about it, got into her car and drove. It wasn't until she pulled up in front of the hospital that she realized she hadn't driven home.

She thought about turning around and going home but, knowing the thought wouldn't leave her alone, entered the building.

There were two guards on either side of Ressler's hospital room who compared her FBI badge against the short list of people allowed to see him – comprising of only three names who weren't hospital personnel – and after what seemed like forever, opened the door and she entered.

Ressler's eyes flickered to her from the TV and he gave her a once-over as if not understanding her presence in his room.

"Keen? What are you doing here?"

"Just...came to check up on you?"

She didn't mean for it to sound like a question but truthfully, she wasn't sure why exactly she was there. Ressler's confusion deepened but she didn't let him question her.

"So, what have the doctors said?"

He was still frowning but apparently decided to let it go for now. "The cauterization helped enough that they could save my artery and my leg. It will take time and physical therapy before I'm allowed back into the field but at least I will, eventually."

"No permanent damage?"

"We'll see when they ask me to actually walk. I thought Cooper told you all this."

He didn't ask _Why haven't you come before?_ because he probably thought he had no right to but she had asked herself that a million times. What kind of a person wouldn't come to see their partner – official or not – who had nearly died? She'd seen him only once, when he'd made it out of surgery and the sight of his immobile form had reminded her of her father's battle with cancer and she'd fled, not willing to stay any moment longer.

She moved about the room, idly gazing out of the window, seeing snow fall. It was almost Christmas. Red was in the wind. Her partner was alive.

"I watched the video feed from the cube."

There went her plans for easing into that one; she hadn't meant to just blurt it out but there it was, hovering in the air between them and she didn't dare turn around and look at him.

"Well, then you should have even more information to profile me, right?"

The edge of something dangerous and biting in his voice made her turn around and face him. "No, it's not that."

"Then why the fuck would you bring it up?" He was angry and not giving her any leeway.

"I just...I'm sorry."

That seemed to cool his anger and his brow furrowed as if he didn't understand what she was saying.

She pushed through it, not letting him get in another word. "I knew you had been on Red for five years but it just never really clicked for me. Five years. Everything you...lost in pursuit of that. I can imagine why you were so unimpressed with me when he brought me in. Nobody wants their greatest accomplishment snatched away, and for that I'm sorry."

He didn't say anything but she could feel his gaze on her, assessing and analyzing, probably trying to figure out if she really meant what she'd said. It made her antsy and she wondered if she'd severed whatever connection they had had with her curiosity.

"You know what, you should probably rest. I just wanted to say that. I'll go then."

She almost made it to the door.

"How much-what did you hear?"

His voice indicated willingness to explain some things and she quickly decided what would be safer to go with. "What does Brussels mean?"

He sighed audibly and as she turned around, his gaze was firmly attached to her, so she stepped closer and sat on the chair next to his bed.

"It was an operation I ran."

"To capture Red?"

Something in the way he shifted his body made her lock her gaze with his and in an instant she understood that he'd been there to kill, not capture. It was something she hadn't thought him capable of and it was another tidbit of information to take note of and remember.

"Garrick gave us information about Red; where he would be and how to get to him. He never showed because he'd known about it the whole time."

"But Garrick thought he didn't and taunted him so Red would stop trying to save you and retaliate by letting you die."

"Pretty much."

She understood there would be no more said about Brussels or how he could even have been there since the FBI didn't have this kind of jurisdiction; something told her that she really didn't want that question answered.

"About Audrey-"

She cut him off before he could get any farther than that, startled that he would even bring it up. "You don't have to talk about that. I'm not asking."

"Maybe I do." There was gravity to his words and they were sincere, leaving her to realize that maybe he did have to talk about her to let something go in himself.

"We were engaged for two years; every time we tried to actually get married, something would come up, mostly Reddington. It wore us down and one day she gave me an ultimatum – her or Red. I couldn't choose and she left. And then Reddington showed up at the FBI a year later, not knowing-"

He recounted the story, seemingly emotionless, but Liz could hear just how much it pained him still to talk about it and as the end of his sentence trailed off, she also heard what he couldn't say, what this partnership with Red cost him.

"She came to visit me, you know."

That surprised her. "Here, now?"

"Apparently I never did change my emergency contact and the bureau called her."

"How...how was it?"

"Sufficiently awkward. But in a good way."

She didn't want to ask anymore questions, not knowing where the line stood; he seemed more accepting of her but there were still things she wouldn't touch, wouldn't bring up.

They sat in silence for a while until Ressler directed his gaze once again towards her. "You should go, it's late."

"You know what?" She gave him a small smile and nodded towards the TV. "I've never seen the ending to this episode of CSI."

She didn't say how she felt trapped at home, under Tom's worried glances and feeling him hovering around her, pushing her to leave Washington behind or how this hospital room made her feel more at ease than anything else had during the previous month. She didn't thank him for saving her life by giving up the code; it would be another one of those things they wouldn't talk about but she could feel how it had changed them, could feel it like a tangible connection which whispered at her at nights when she couldn't sleep.

If he saw through it, he didn't say anything but from the corner of her eye, Liz saw a hint of a smile on his face as they watched the TV in silence, neither actually paying any attention to it.

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**A/N: This is the end for this story but there will be others in the future, of that I am sure. Let me know what you thought!**


End file.
